Posts tagged with "adult child caregiving parents"

Dear Readers, Thank You

Dear Readers, How Do I Say Thank You?

There are still only two, teeny, tiny words that we use to convey even the biggest, most monolithic proportions of gratitude—thank you.

These simple syllables seem so mild in their meaning because of their overuse. Thank you for taking out the garbage. Thank you for picking up the dog doo. Thank you for not closing that door on me, Sir.

However, even for medium-sized appreciation, they are the best that we can do.

Oh, thank you! Your wedding gift is much too generous.

We are so glad you could stay with little Timmy—thank you, Granny!

But there is another expression of gratitude that exudes such heartfelt emotion sometimes no words are needed. When there are tears of joy, the do-gooder knows all there is to know.

“Thank you.” Alas, this generous pairing of words has flummoxed plenty of crafty writers who have searched their lexicon for the perfect substitution—to no avail.

So, I am left with creating a single note of appreciation with this lasting picture.

We meet on the street, you and I.

I’ve just read your wonderful review, the one where you gave “9 Realities of Caring for an Elderly Parent: A Love Story of a Different Kind” a knock-my-socks-off 5 stars!

I recognize you by your beautiful, intuitive soul and I rush to give you the heartiest handshake, and a big bear-like hug of a greeting.

I am suddenly overwhelmed with silent tears streaming out of my eyes while I simultaneously beam and smile broadly.

When I am finally assured I have conveyed my truest sentiment, I speak only the tiniest words available:

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!—Stefania

Do you know the realities in caring for an elderly parent?

WOCM host Bulldog asks, “What are the 9 Realities in a nutshell?”

You’ve answered the call to come home and care for your elderly parent until the very end. These 9 Realities will answer your next question, “Now what?” In case you want to hear it LIVE, here is the link to my interview on the Bulldog Show.

Reality 1- The House is a Wreck, Inside and Out. Being there is most important for the adult child to assess the safety of the home, and the wellness of your parent.

Reality 2- Fiercely Independent but Can’t Cook, Drive, or Bathe. There is a lot a senior can do to put up pretenses that everything is fine. There are criteria for making sure your elder is not suffering from neglect.

Reality 3- Getting Your Physical Home and Your Financial House in Order. Purging vs. preserving memories, and how to set up a filing system for finances that are in desperate need of organizing. These are motivating pages that have readers squaring away their own homes today.

Reality 4- Managing Health–Both Medical and Financial– is a Second Full-Time Job. Knowing what medication your parent takes, along with dosages, is critical for every doctor appointment. How to create a prescription chart for doctors and ease of renewals is covered in this chapter.

Reality 5- When Your Home and Your Parent Begin Falling Apart, Get Prepared. Warning signs that your parent is at the beginning of the end can no longer be ignored. And such is life, when everything is going downhill, the decades old home is also in decline. Know where your assets are held. Expenses are coming.

Reality 6- A Birth Allows us Nine Months to Prepare; Death Has No Timeline; Act with Urgency in All You Do. A death march will take its toll on the caregiver. While you nervously watch your parent wrestle against an illness, this begins your gut-wrenching experience, as if everything leading up wasn’t hard enough.

Reality 7- The Critical Role Bowel Movements and Bed Sores Will Play in the End. Going home….it’s all she longed for. Straddling two worlds as patients get ready to cross over leaves them busily preparing before they feel ready to be un-entwined from this life. The secret of what she saw on the other side was never revealed. But I now know what death looks like in the final weeks, days, and hours.

Reality 8- A Preplanned Funeral Is a Gift to Your Family; Binders, and Lots of Them, Are an Executor Trustee’s Gift. The funeral playbook and how to establish a binder system for Communications, Estate Assets, and Legal Documents will make this your indispensable guide.

Reality 9- Do Everything You Can To Self-Sooth, but Include Grief Counseling; You Need It More Than You Think. Compartmentalizing grief seems the easier route. When the crying jag ends, we think we’re over the loss. This is not true for the frontline caregiver for whom it will take years to process the experience.

Media Appearances

Did You Know that Many Adult Children Caring for an Elderly Parent Have Very Similar Stories to Tell? Listen in to what callers had to share.

San Francisco/KTVU-Bay Area People with Lisa Yokota KTVU podcast

San Francisco/KGO-The Ronn Owens Show

San Francisco/KQED-Forum with Michael Krasny KQED podcast

Seattle, WA/KISW-Conversations with Lizz Sommars podcast

Ocean City, MD/WOCM FM 98.1- Bulldog Show podcast

Abilene, TX/KXYL-FM 102.3- Going Home with Mark Cope

Omaha, NE/KMA 960- Dean and Don Show

Albuquerque, NM/KDAZ- Birga and Dan Show

Waterbury, CT/WATR- Larry Rifkin Talk of the Town

Burlington, IA/KBUR- Steve Hexom Morning Show

Milwaukee, WI/WBEV- The Idea Exchange with Brenda Murphy

Bristol County, VA/Tri-Cities, TN/WFHG- Barbara McFaddin Show

Sobering Statistics in Elder Care

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Are you worried about providing elder care for your senior parents?

Let’s open with some sobering statistics that you cannot ignore for much longer. The number of people caring for an aging parent has soared in the past 15 years, according to MetLife. In 1994, 3 percent of men, and 9 percent of women, helped with basic care for an aging parent; In 2008, these numbers increased to 17 percent of men, and 28 percent of women providing help which is defined as dressing, feeding, bathing, and other personal care needs. This goes well beyond grocery shopping, driving parents to appointments, and helping them with financial matters. And it is more stressful as well. In 2011, nearly 10 million adult children over the age of 50 provided this care for an aging parent.

In a deeper look at options available for seniors with limited finances who cannot stay in their own home because they are unable to care for themselves anymore, USA Today reports that most families are unprepared for the news that Medicare doesn’t pay for long-term care. The median cost of a year in a private room at a nursing home in 2011 was $77,745, according to Genworth. Assisted Living is another option, but it’s also not cheap and isn’t covered by Medicaid. The national median cost in 2011 was $39,135, by Genworth’s count. With 90 percent of elderly parents preferring to stay at home, from AARP research, families are left with the agonizing question of who will be stepping up to care for Mom or Dad.

As more people live into their 90’s, most of us will face caregiving responsibilities, or need caregiving ourselves. AARP says 45 million Americans perform some kind of caregiving. After A. Barry Rand, CEO of AARP, experienced caring for his own elderly father, he began addressing the daunting problem of caregiving by building the AARP Caregiving Resource Center in January 2012 where caregivers can come together to find experts and advice through local agencies. What starts out as just helping our parent can quickly turn into a full-time job.

I was not at all thinking the job would fall to me. Until it did.

I had no idea the call was coming, but my mother’s invitation to visit opened my eyes to the pitfalls of seniors living alone in a home they can no longer manage. It was enough for me to uproot my life to fulfill her wish that she live out the rest of her years in her own home.

No one prepared me for this undertaking and what I learned has become the subject of my new book 9 Realities of Caring For An Elderly Parent: A Love Story of A Different Kind, a funny, compassionate account of your daunting role if you are the adult child coming home to care for your elderly parent until the very end. Released August 2013 and available at amazon.com/kindle.

Blog question: How did your life change when you took on the role of caring for your elderly parent?